Nothing Like Family and Other Stuff

Okay, so two blogs in one day? What's up with that? I've just lots to share.

So, the other night was my hubby's grandfather's 90th birthday celebration. I was of course worried about Baby #1's temperament especially after a similar outing proved horrible. Maybe it was because we were surrounded by family and although I felt indifferent about the whole gathering, Baby #1 was fantastic! Everyone loved her and wanted to hold her which was great for us because this meant we could sit and enjoy others' company and eat. She did get cranky around 9:30ish (3 hours past her usual bedtime) and didn't go down for a nap. I gave her a bottle because at this point she was long over due for a feeding and then all was great. It was time to go home and when we put her in the stroller this time, it was light's out immediately. The same even after changing her diaper and placing her in the crib.

Which leads me to other stuff...My baby loves to sleep with her face pushed against the bumper pads. I know it's not good to have them, but the reason why we decided to put them in was because she kept pushing herself to the corner of the crib and banging her head against the bars of the crib. So, as per daddy's request I took them off tonight with the hopes that with a blanket by her face she would cuddle that and be okay. HELL NO! She cried bloody murder two times in a span of 30 min. I had to rescue her and hold her to keep her from crying her head off. I had also put the bumper pads in the wash so they were still wet! To top it off, my dryer is broken (no tube for output air). Oh God, she would not sleep without things back to normal, so I did what any mother would do...Operate the broken dryer and put the bumper pads back!

After I got her crib put together, I placed her in it and she went to bed. Simple as that. No crying, no fussing. She just put her face to the corner and her fingers in her mouth and she was out.

It makes me smile when I think how similar she is to me. I too like things a certain way and if it works, I don't want it to change. And I have to say, it feels great when I do something I feel is going to make things better for her and it does.

P.S. I told her I was sorry for changing things and that I would change things back so she could go to sleep. I know she was listening and could totally understand.

The Bumbo Chair

It took my husband and me a long time to give into this chair...At first we thought, how can a chair be so expensive! For a while I was using Baby #1's highchair as seat, but now I use it exclusively for her feedings and would like her to associate the highchair with feeding time. So...We gave in and paid $65 for the Bumbo chair.

At first Baby #1 didn't like it and she cried when we put her in it. Now, she has gotten used to it and likes it very much. Just a word of caution, she can get herself out of it so, supervision is necessary with this chair. I just wish it wasn't so darn expensive!

Looking For That Balance

I've always been that person to want the fairytale ending to everything. After having a baby, I was still trying to be that way. Now, I can say that I am okay with the idea of finding a peaceful middle.

I love my life the way it is now...Although, I can't say I did when I first had the baby. It was hard. I felt alone even though I have a good family and husband. Now, I have settled in my new routine and have managed to cope with my new responsibilities. After talking to a friend who's going through a separation and knowing of a lady who is really having a hard time coping with feeling overwhelmed with all she has to do has got me thinking that there are a lot of people out there just like me. I have had my moments and still do at times, when I think why can't my husband help out more, why isn't he home more. But the truth of the matter is, I am the one on maternity leave...I wanted to be on leave a year to be with my baby. Doesn't that mean doing the majority of baby work? I've always been the one to cook meals and do most of the cleaning before the baby so, this is something that hasn't changed after the arrival of Baby #1.

Here's a list of the things I do on my own: Cook, laundry, dust, bottle and food preparation

Here's a list of things my hubby does on his own: Cars, home improvement and fix ups, vacuum, garbage, drives where ever we need to go

Here's a list of the things we do together: Diaper change, bathing baby, grocery shopping

Overall, I think he's pulling his weight and supporting me. There are rough times and sometimes it's me doing some of his things, but it's not all the time. I guess my friend was right in saying that maybe we do need to sacrifice some of our needs and like my dad says, put up with each other for a marriage to work. My friend admits that she hasn't given anything up for her husband and for their marriage and that's perhaps the reason why things went wrong.

I guess no one's marriage is perfect and if you throw a baby in the mix of things, you're bound to have some rocky days, weeks...And months. But, this is normal and I think that anyone who says, it's not has got bigger problems in their marriage and relationship.

I think being a SAHM/SAHD makes things harder. I think the partner begins to expect that things around the house and baby just be done by the one person who isn't working. As much as I wanted to be a SAHM before I had a baby, now that I see what happens to them in terms of expectations and emotions, I'm kind of glad that I am going back to work. It gives me some time away from the house, baby and husband to go out and enjoy something that is my passion. Only to come home to a lovely house, baby and husband. It also puts ownership on my husband to own up and be a mutual helper in household chores and child rearing. Again, it's all about balance.

Dad and Daddy Working Together

So, today my dad is here to help my husband work on the back splash in the kitchen. I have to be honest in saying that my husband doesn't really "click" with my dad and I can feel the tension...I don't know what it is and I know it's not my dad. Ever since the baby was born and my parents came to help out (which was my request and I truly appreciated it) my husband was totally distant and cold towards them. I can't put my finger on what the problem is and I dare not ask. I hate feeling almost embarrassed by my husbands attitude towards them at times. I don't push for my mom or dad to come and visit us unless they really want to, or my husband invites them (like Christmas and other special holidays). It's sad and I feel like crying every time I think of it, but it's almost better this way because if I try to push it, things almost always go horribly wrong.

So far so good. I mean, there are times when I think my husband talks down to my dad and it's hard for me to see my dad not stick up to him...He's so patient and I love my dad for knowing what's going on, but taking it and avoiding conflict. My mom and dad aren't getting along well at home either. After my brother came back to the picture and brought all these problems with him, my parents have had to put their retirement life on hold and "babysit" my older brother. It hasn't been good on their marriage and my mom can be extremely hard on my dad. I can see it and I was glad to be able to talk to my dad alone yesterday and tell him how much I noticed his patience on the matter. My dad puts up with a lot and he really doesn't have anyone to talk to about how hard it is for him.

I love my dad more and more as I get older. I understand his sacrifices and I can see just how hard things are for him, but he never complains.

There's Still A Lot Of Love

So, yesterday was Valentine's Day and up until I met my wonderful husband, I hated this holiday. The day before Valentine's Day, my hubby said to me, "Are we doing anything for Valentine's Day?" I said, "Nah, it's okay". I was feeling a little down in the dumps and tired. He texted me from work later that day to ask, "Do you want to go out for dinner on Valentine's Day?" I told him that I would much rather prefer to make a pot roast, open a bottle of red and relax. He was happy with that and he told me that he would have dessert ready. Hmmm...Dessert?

The day before V-day, I spent a great afternoon with the baby making cupcakes with chocolate icing and candied harts on top. Baby #1 added her special touch by drilling holes in the top of a few of them with her fingers! I also got a Valentine's Day card for both baby and daddy. Nothing elaborate, but special since it was Baby #1's first Valentine's Day, and I do love my hubby!

So, anyway back to the big day, when my husband came home he had picked up a beautiful Edible Arrangement bouquet and card. This bouquet was made of fruit and salad greens were used to add to the design. It was the most beautiful thing I had seen. I had to take pictures of it before we started eating it. We had a lovely dinner, put baby to sleep and enjoyed the rest of the evening diving into the fruit (some covered in chocolate).

My husband is so caring and he's so sweet. He totally knows what makes me happy and how to cheer me up when I'm down. Although there are times when he makes me mad and sad, it's stuff like this that makes me the happiest wife and mother.

Is Motherhood All It's Cut Out To Be?

I'm following another mommy blog and the issue of having dad help out more around the house and with the baby has got me thinking and reflecting on my own situation. Does my hubby help out with baby duties as much as I think he should? No. Am I bitter and angry about it? No. Does it bother me? No. Why is this the case?!

I knew that the moment I had a baby my life would change. I would become even busier than ever. I am a very tidy, organized, goal oriented person (Blue-Gold personality) who hates change...How could it be that the biggest change in my life isn't causing me to be down right miserable with my life and running out to get divorce papers? I do wish my husband can help out more, but sometimes it's just easier to do things myself. I can't possibly complain about my hubby not helping if this is my attitude. However, there are a few things that my hubby does that I think he can do himself without my help and therefore alleviating my stress.

Here’s an example. When my hubby helps with the diaper he often says “can you get the wipes”, “can you put her clothes back on while I go wash my hands?” It’s like, come on…I might as well do it myself! I don’t know the last time I got all that help when I had to change my baby’s diaper. Now, I just put all the diapering stuff close to the play place so he can grab it without asking me for help.

Example two: Whomever said that bottle feeding will make it easier on moms because now the dads can help out with the feeding process was WRONG! On a good day, my hubby will give one out of four bottles to the baby. I make all the bottles the night before and keep them in the fridge. Now that my baby is eating solids, I am also making purees for her and freezing them. Hubby has yet to feed her any solids. As for the bottle and food prep. I don’t mind doing it since there is a lot of measuring that goes with it and it’s just too hard for me to explain it to him.

Example three: Bath time. Well, this used to be daddy’s job all the time. Now, I’d say he does it half the time. Partly because he’s at work and can’t be home in time to give her a bath. This is one task where I don’t need to help him at all. My hubby loves to give our baby a bath and does a great job! But I’m the one to cut her nails, do the lotion massage and get her dressed after wards.

There’s a heck of a lot more examples, but I’ll spare you the details. I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes we enable our husbands to act the way they do by not telling them something is wrong and that we need more of their help. Easier said than done though because I’m not one to ask for help. But, how are they supposed to know we need help if we don’t ask for it? Some husbands are really in tune with their wife’s needs, but this isn’t my case at all. I’m learning to be honest by saying, “Hun, it was a horrible day. I need your help.” I’m so lucky to have a husband who doesn’t ignore my pleas for help and pitches in the best he can. We appreciate what we do for each other and for the baby. I think this is most important in our relationship.

It’s no surprise that we do so much on a daily basis because we are at home with our babies most of the time and we love doing it I’m sure SAHDs would say the same thing. So, in the words of a close friend of mine, “don’t sweat the small stuff” and “work smarter, not harder”.

P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Jealousy Is An Ugly Thing

Being off on maternity leave and currently writing a resume thinking of posting out and transferring schools for work has got me thinking...Who really cares about Mrs.___ at _____JMS?

I was always well liked by the students and parents of my school. The only school I have worked at for 9 years. Now, that I am off from work and missing out on the daily gossip in a female dominated profession I have a totally different perspective on my colleagues now that I am looking in from the outside. I've always been the one to send out these update e-mails with pictures letting people at work know how and what I've been up to and only a handful of people at work actually write back. Also, they don't really tell me what I'm missing and what's been happening. Is it just me? Or is this normal? I send them out because I actually care to let them know how I am doing and that I think about them daily. A part of me wants to stop all communication, but that's not me and it would suck if I didn't post out this spring and had to go back.

I studies in psychology that some people don't like hearing about others doing well...So, maybe they are jealous to hear about what I am doing on my time off? My beautiful baby? Happy and fulfilled life? Oh well...It sucks to be them.

A bit of venting tonight, sorry.

Trying to Wean Baby #1 Off Noise

I am going to try to wean Baby #1 off of the white noise that I so desperately depended on when she would not sleep. Why change a good thing? Well, I am hoping that she will be able to sleep in other peoples' houses and my grandparents house when we go over to visit and it gets late. So far, Baby #1 has had horrible experiences staying out late because she refuses to sleep when it's her bedtime (7pm). I think one of the problems is, is that we have her trained in her crib and with the white noise. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have a sleeping baby on a routine rather than to have a baby that NEVER sleeps through the night or take naps during the day, but it's got me thinking that perhaps she can be trained to sleep without the comforts of home sometimes.

I will give it a try now.

Also, I'd like to report that Baby#1 can fully turn over from her back to her belly and from belly to back. She also can hold her bottle when given formula. Eating solids is also going well. She's had rice and oat cereal, carrots, sweet potato, parsnip, peas, and butternut squash. I went out to buy another case of Baby Cubes to start her on fruit next week. I am excited to try her in the swimming pool too! I bought a pair of Tushies swimming pants. Just need to get a t-shirt her for top and we should be ready to give swimming a try.

Dusting Off The Old Resume

Today, I finally bit the bullet and started to write a resume. I'm not quitting my job, but I will be looking to post out of my current work location to another location closer to where I am living now. Of course I have another 6 months on maternity leave, but I don't like to leave important things like this off. Not a procrastinator.

Baby #1 was awesome today, she let me type away and actually listened to me read over my resume. I was pleasantly surprised at how nice it turned out...It's not everyday that you are asked to talk about your strengths and experiences in one page! It was hard to write about myself.

Wish me luck, I hope I get transferred :) This will be an ongoing blog topic for sure.